Beer just tastes good with luscious Q. It attenuates the heat of the meat. It glaciates the cook's thirst from standing so near the hot coals. One of barbecue's biggest competitive cookoffs is "Memphis in May" where, on the banks of the Mississippi River, Tom Lee Park fills with Q enthusiasts. A former finals judge, who prefers annonimity, says "one year I created my own judge's category; What Does It Taste Like With Beer?" At least his judgement was sober.

The second reason that beer has been so near to Q is due to its natural ability to tenderize meat. Trace the origin of the of the word barbecue. One theory is that it is derived from the French de barbe et queue (pronounced barb-ay-cue), meaning "from beard and tail". From Memphis to Mexia, grillers have long gone whole hog about the slow-cooking of the selected beast, from snout to peduncle. Snouts, tails, and many meat masses in between benefit from a tenderizing treatment, be that by pre-soaking the meat or by broad sweeps via the emersed mop.

"Beer is a tenderizer because the alcohol denatures protein," says Australian food scientist Peter Scudamore-Smith MW. Alcohol's denaturing of protein is not unlike its effect on brain cells; softer meat, softer brains. A favored tenderizer recipe we shall call "Foster's Pharmacon", for one of two reasons. It contains Foster's Beer from Australia. Possibly it is named in memory of the late Foster Brooks.

Gather one can of very cold Foster's beer, four tablespoons of various favored dried herbs, 1/3 cup soy sauce, three crushed cloves of peeled garlic, and hot pepper(s), the number within the sensibilities of the chef. Pour twelve ounces of the beer into a mixing bowl, fully combined with the remainder of the above ingredients, then soak the meat in the mixture for a few hours to overnight; covered and refrigerated while marinating. The beauty, if not brilliance, of this recipe is that Foster's beer only comes in 24 ounce cans. Disposing of the remaining 12 ounces is left to the sensibilities of the chef. Both the meat and the chef benefit from a little marinating before the barbecuing begins.

"But coming from the southwest, you would know that the best tender beef comes from animals which are correctly slaughtered and aged as cuts," Scudamore-Smith told me, "There is no substitute for good cuts. I will not buy the lesser cuts and have...(only academic) experience with marinating this way." What the good professor fails to recognize is that the purchasing of lesser cuts of meat allows for the purchasing of more beer at the store's check-out. Chew on that for a while.

But what does one serve with beer tendered Q? Why, barracho beans (also known as "drunk beans"), of course. Restauranteur Matt Martinez, Jr. knows beans about beans. "Not me, Granny, my mother, not anybody in our family soaks beans," explains Martinez, "...I put out my regular ol' beans that have never been soaked; Thats when I get the best flavor." In his book "Matt Martinez's Culinary Frontier" (Doubleday, $27.50 hardback), he shares the recipe.

Vegetarian Drunk Beans (makes 6 to 8 servings)

1 pound (two cups) pinto beans
6 cups water
1 cup each, coarsely chopped white onion, celery, and green or red bell pepper 2 cloves garlic, crushed and finely chopped 1/2 small bay leaf 1 large whole zucchini 1 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro, loosely packed 1/2 bottle or can Lone Star beer (heaven forbid, don't use the left over Foster's) salt and black pepper to taste

"While drinking the half of the beer you won't be using in the recipe, put all the other ingredients into a large pot and bring it to a boil," suggests Martinez,"just throw the whole succhini into the pot, then cover and simmer on low heat for two hours. Then add the beer you haven't already swallowed." Simmer this bodacious medley for another half hour, until the beans are tender, and finish out seasoning with the salt and pepper if need be.

"The zucchini adds a special sweetness to these beans," Martinez reveals, "so when serving, cut off a piece of the zucchini for each bowl of beans." Again, chew on that for a while, with or without chili pepper sauce, as the capsicum-head deems fit.