Flicking through a few books last week I came across a couple of examples of food eaten by the rich and famous. Try these for size.

Fool’s Gold Loaf – Elvis enjoyed this king-sized sandwich, made by a Denver restaurant, the Colorado Gold Mine Company. It consisted of a hollowed out loaf containing smooth peanut butter (large jar), the same amount of grape jelly and a pound of crisp fried bacon. From the excellent The Life and Cuisine Of Elvis Presley, by Davis Adler, Crown Trade Paperbacks, New York, 1993.

A cup of beef consommé – Consumed daily as his first luncheon course by Herbrand Arthur Russell, the 11th Duke of Bedford. It was made from “precisely nine and a half pounds of best shin of beef, and one kitchen-maid only was entrusted with the making of it.” The consommé, mind you, was for the Duke only, guests were served other food. From A Silver-Plated Spoon by John, [13th] Duke of Bedford, - a fascinating and somewhat eccentric history of Woburn Abbey and the Russell family. The Reprint Society Ltd, London, 1960.

How many bottles left
Len Evans once wrote an article in which he estimated the number of days left in his life and decided that life was too short to ever drink bad wine again. Like-minded wine lovers can now visit the Death Clock, enter their particulars and be advised of their expected use by date. The clock will then start actually counting down the seconds, minutes, days and years until their ultimate departure.

According to the clock I’m going to cash in my chips on July 14, 2036. This means I have only 12,403 good bottles left to open (at the rate of one a day). Let’s see 12403 by around $20 the bottle…that’s gonna cost about a quarter of a million bucks. So much wine so little time - where’s that bloody corkscrew?

Feedback
Which came first, the cork or the screw?
‘Hi Martin, I may, in my haste, have missed something here, but, which came first, the cork or the corkscrew? If it was the cork, how did they plan to extract it from the bottle? If it was the corkscrew, what did they envisage it would be used for? I'm probably unimaginative but I can't think of any use for a corkscrew other than ripping out a cork or performing prefrontal lobotomies so it could suggest that they put the cork in the bottle without a definite idea of how they would eventually remove it? Not a bad plan if you intend to lie down the vintage until somebody invents a means of opening it but a definite problem if, like me, you are impetuous and can't hold out for more than a day or two, which is why my wine cellar consists of a pile of neckless bottles and some punctured wine casks...premature ejaculation comes to mind...Or did they invent the Champagne bottle and its cork first? Yours thirstily, Bruno of Balmoral.’

Well Bruno, I like to think it was the corkscrew that came first. I remember reading somewhere that in prehistoric cave paintings there is a representation of a simple double helix corkscrew among a few naïve paintings of bison and phallic imagery. The pre-historian who analysed the artwork suggested that the helix was simply an attempt by a bright young Neanderthal to get his or her head around a few prototypical ideas on recombinant DNA theory. “Au contraire!” I thought at the time. This was obviously an antediluvian Leonardo in search of the yet uninvented cork. I rest my case.

Tastings
Angoves St Agnes 7 Star XO Very Old Brandy About $55 KKKK½

Medium amber. Rich spirited bouquet showing aged characters and lovely oak. Powerful and mouth-filling flavours, sweet spirit, smoothed by twenty years and more in the cask. Finishes like velvet, with clean, nutty and persistent aftertaste. Quality is easily on a par with any premium world brandy.

Diamond Valley Pinot Noir 2001. Cellar to 2005. About $25. KKKK

Yarra Valley. Ruby red. Both youthful and savoury on the nose, hints of strawberry. Softly tannic mouthfeel supports solid varietal flavours of dark cherry and strawberry. Long, dry aftertaste will suit substantial food.

d’Arenberg The Stump Jump Grenache Shiraz Mourvedre 2001. Cellar to 2005 About $10 KKK½
McLaren Vale. This one was presented masked to the Tuesday lunch table. Comments from eight lunchers included: “Attractive nose and fruit, Soft finish. Appealing nose, nice balance. Lovely wine, good acid, sangiovese? Nutty fruity taste, round. Good strong tannins. Sweetness is cloying.” I thought it was a likeable, soft fruity style made for relatively early consumption.

Seppelt Chalambar Shiraz 1999. Cellar to 2007. About $18. KKKK

Victorian regions. Medium red, edge of purple. Spicy, plummy nose. Full grippy palate, plenty of grapes in the bottle as the saying goes. Generous flavours of ripe blackberries nicely enhanced with oak. Lovely as a main course accompaniment and with potential for the cellar.

Mount Prior Durif 2001 (tank sample) KKKK

We tried this (masked) at lunch. Most of the 13 diners (including winemakers, winewriters and others who are often enough catastrophically wrong at identifying masked wines) picked it as northeast Victorian material. A selection of their comments: “Gorgeous colour. Lots of everything. Mocha, liquorice. Overwhelming, crushed ants, intense. Over the top, huge alcohol [14%]. Tank sample, purple teeth stainer. Very drinkable. Go for ages. Delightful. Outrageously ripe wine. Grapey, tremendous fruit. Lovely. Raw." I rather liked it – when it mellows, in a year or two, I dare say I could drink a bucket of it.