Youth will be served - 19th century proverb

Once, when dining at a fashionable restaurant with Lord Alfred Douglas and another friend, Oscar Wilde was so annoyed by the high-pitched, nonstop chatter of a young child at a nearby table that he signaled to the waiter. When the waiter approached, Wilde in his usual offhand manner requested, simply enough, that the waiter "strangle the child at that table".

Benjamin Disraeli had a similar restaurant encounter with children. One evening, while he was Prime Minister of England, he invited several friends to dine out with him. Disraeli was infuriated because the loud behavior of several children in the restaurant had spoiled his meal. Disraeli was so upset that he refused to pay his bill, remarking to the owner that "children of under ten years of age should never be allowed to pass through the front doors of any respectable restaurant". Wilde and Disraeli may have exaggerated a bit. But only a bit, for as many diners and a host of restaurateurs have learned, children are capable of ruining any dinner and of converting even the most efficient and calmest restaurant into something that resembles a 15th century insane asylum.

There is a simple reality that restaurateurs must face - more and more parents are taking their children with them when they go out to dine Even the English and French, who once took children out to dine only on the most extraordinary of occasions, are now adopting the American custom of taking children out to dine whenever parents are too tired or lazy to cook themselves. All of which is fine if restaurateurs and parents understand that children have special needs when they dine out. If those needs are met catastrophe can easily be avoided.

Having young children dine at restaurants is not, as some might assume, an activity without risk. As Bryan Miller, writing in the New York Times observed, "children have been known to turn salt and pepper shakers, cutlery and wine glasses into pieces of flying shrapnel". Nor is Miller far off the mark when he points out that "when kids start wandering about in restaurants they have a marvelous knack of setting obstacle courses for waiters and serving as a general nuisance to other diners". Despite a certain inherent risk-level, however, there is no absolute reason why having children in a restaurant has to turn into a catastrophe. In fact, the use of even a modicum of foresight can ensure that whole-family restaurant dining will offer a great deal of pleasure to everyone involved.

The first thing to remember is that the culinary needs of children are vastly different than those of adults. When children dine out it is neither sparkling nor original cuisine that will please them. What they want is food that is at least basically familiar and that they know in advance they will enjoy. Restaurant critic Mimi Sheraton hypothesizes that there is a "mysterious white food phenomenon" that shows itself in children's preference for food that is simple and without sauce. Children like plain spaghetti, plain chicken, plain hamburgers and plain steaks. Even moderately "fancy" dishes such as spaghetti a la puttanesca, chicken kiev, or tournedos a la Rossini may get odd glances and remain untouched.

Another extremely important factor is timing - the speed with which food will arrive at the table. Wise restaurateurs realize that boredom and the natural impatience of children are the worst enemies of dining out. The longer kids have to wait for their food, the better the chance that they will become restless and quarrelsome. Going to a restaurant almost invariably means that children will be eating later than the time to which they are accustomed. That means that they will be hungry on arrival and the last thing they want to do is wait. Bread and crackers may keep the kids quiet temporarily, but their behavior will deteriorate in direct relationship to the length of the delay between arrival and the appearance of "real" food on the table. Children who have to wait too long become unhappy children and unhappy children in restaurants tend to make everyone around them absolutely miserable.

Knowing that more and more parents are seeking restaurants to which they can take their children, restaurateurs have several major decisions to make. First of all, one has to make a decision dealing with at what level the restaurant wants to encourage people to come with their children. Some restaurants, especially those that are expensive, exotic or prestigious, may decide to ban children below a certain age completely. This is not as drastic a step as it may seem, for most parents are wise enough to realize that taking young children to luxury restaurants is simply silly. Because many of the dishes prepared at such restaurants are too sophisticated for young palates, the subtlety of the cookery at such establishments is wasted on children; the leisurely service is much to slow for them; and frankly, it can be an incredibly expensive way to entertain one's children.

Some restaurateurs will decide to continue, as they do now, to accept children and yet others may decide that it can be profitable to encourage parents to dine out at their establishments with their kids. Yet others will realize that because of social or economic factors that dominate the neighborhoods in which they are situated, that whether they like it or not, they will be seeing more and more parents coming in to dine with their children. At whatever level, certain factors are obvious the world over with regard to the dining habits of children. In the United States, for example, the most popular eateries for children from 3 - 35 are (in this order) fast-food, Far-Eastern (especially Chinese and Indian), pizzerias and Italian restaurants. Kids like fast food because, in addition to being familiar and suited to their tastes, it gives them what to talk about with their friends the next day. They like Far-Eastern restaurants because of the colors, the costumes and the fact that much of the food is prepared in front of them on the table. They like pizzerias and Italian restaurants because, at least in their eyes the food at such places is simple and, despite being basically familiar, just a little bit exotic. The profile of favorites in Europe and the Near-East is similar, but one has to add Middle-Eastern, Greek and Turkish restaurants to the list. At a second level of popularity with young children are those establishments generally categorized as "cafe-restaurants". Interestingly, children seem to enjoy eateries in this category not so much because of the food but because there is invariably a good deal of activity to keep them occupied.

Avoiding Potential Problems

Sadly enough, most European and many American restaurants are not "child friendly" and are poorly equipped to deal with children. For more than fifty years, at least some American restaurants have known that special chairs, napkins and dining tools were required for children. With the advent of American nation-wide chain restaurants such as "Howard Johnson" and "Stuckey", and fast-food chains such as "Wendy's", "Colonel Sander's Kentucky Fried Chicken" and "Pizza Hut", Americans also realized that childrens' business was big business because many adults would only dine at places where they could come with their children. With this realization came a series of innovations, all of which made life easier and more profitable for restaurateurs and most of which are applicable to our own restaurant industry.

1. Special Menus: Many of those American restaurants that encourage families to dine out together offer menus that are prepared especially for children. Such menus are not merely a paragraph added to or an extension of the regular menu, nor do they merely offer smaller portions at lower prices. Invariably printed on inexpensive white paper, these menus are designed to appeal to children between the ages of 3 and 10.

In addition to a brief listing of the foods that are offered, the menu also serves as a game sheet, and is printed with puzzles, quizzes and games that the children can play with (alone or with their parents) while waiting for their food. In many cases, when the children are given their special menus, they are also given a small box that has three or four colored crayons in it which allows them to draw or scribble on the menu itself. The crayons, it goes without saying, are made from materials that can easily be washed, thus eliminating dirty hands or stained clothing and tablecloths.

The foods listed on such menus should be those that will appeal especially to children. A variety of options should be offered, but the choices should not be so large that they confuse young people. Hamburgers, meatballs, pizza, spaghetti and fried fish and chicken seem to be the most popular main course dishes for children in America as in Japan. In America as in Europe and the Near-East, tomato soup and mushroom soup are among the most popular first courses and in the Near-East, humous and tchina are equally popular. The worldwide most popular side dish for children is French fried potatoes. Many restaurants also add a small portion of vegetables to the plate containing the child's main course. (Corn kernels are adored by most children and, even though they reject them at home, most kids love a mixture of peas and carrots when they are served at restaurants). Desserts based on flavored gelatin are extremely popular with children as are ice cream and chocolate cake.

Even though there is a special children's menu, parents should be told that that many of the dishes on the regular menu (and these should be specified) can be delivered in child-sized portions at specially reduced prices.

2. Hazardous Objects: Restaurateurs who expect a large trade from parents with children will quickly learn that nearly every restaurant has a great many potentially hazardous objects. Salt and pepper shakers, candles, sharp knives and tablecloths that are just waiting to be tugged at are all potential problem sources. Too much clutter is simply too tempting for most children, so the fewer items there are on the table, the better.

3. Time As An Enemy: The longer children have to wait for their food the more unhappy they will become. The more unhappy they are, the noisier and more annoying they will be to the staff and other people dining in the restaurant. Bread, butter and water should be placed on the table even before the children and their parents have decided what they want to order. The invariable delay that comes between ordering and the delivery of the first course can be filled by bringing a bowl of lightly piquant snacks, such as potato chips or miniature pretzels to the table.

If parents decide to start their meal with an aperitif or cocktail, the children should be presented with a special non-alcoholic cocktail as well. In addition to pleasing their egos, this makes children feel grown up. Even at age 3, children know that grownups do not behave like children, and this simple realization will make life easier for both the parents and the restaurant staff.

The members of the restaurant staff should also be trained to realize that the more action that goes on around the children, the less they will feel the need to be active. In addition to the special menus that have been given to children, it is a good idea to keep a few palm-sized computer type games on hand. These can be "loaned" to the children to play with if they have to pass any amount of time waiting for or in-between courses.

Staff should also be trained to realize that children are flattered when special attention is paid to them. Waiters and waitresses, especially in places that encourage children to dine there should be taught to speak to the children and not only to their parents. Although mom and dad may actually decide what the children will eat, the kids love being asked and giving the orders themselves. The more special the children feel, the better they will behave.

4. Table Locations: Restaurateurs have learned that it is best not to designate a specific area of their restaurants for adults who come to dine with their children. In restaurants where the segregation of children was attempted, restaurateurs quickly learned that the concentration of children within a given area encourages rather than discourages noise and hyperactivity. The manager of the Stuckey branch in Asheville, North Carolina tried this in 1985. He later wrote that "the First and Second World Wars were nothing compared to what happened" during the two weeks of his experiment. He added that the cost of dish breakage, cleaning carpet stains and replacing torn drapes and stolen salt and pepper shakers were "unbelievable" and that the "noise level was enough to drive anyone mad". This and other such experiences dictate that whole-family groups should be seated in accordance with the normal procedure of the restaurant.

5. Special Equipment: Those restaurants that deal regularly with children will realize that it is worth the small investment required to have several highchairs on hand for very young children as well as special seats that will help children reach the level of the table. It is also a good idea to keep a supply of diapers, bibs, and other children's supplies on hand. Keep in mind as well that many parents will ask their waiter or waitress to warm a baby's bottle. (This can easily be done in a microwave oven. If such an oven is not available, the bottle may simply be dipped into a pot of hot water for several seconds).

6. When To "Strangle The Child": Unfortunately, there are those children who, whatever is done for them, insist on being so loud or otherwise obnoxious that they will destroy the peace of mind and potential for pleasure of everyone else in the restaurant. There are no circumstances whatever that allow a member of the staff to discipline or strike a child but there are times when action is called for. If a child is merely having a crying fit or momentary tantrum, the waiter should quickly approach the table and suggest either to the mother or father, that the child be taken to the washroom or outside for a few minutes. If necessary, the waiter should accompany them.

If, on the other hand, a child proves so tedious that no hope remains, the parents should be asked, albeit very politely by either the owner of head waiter to leave. The policy of most American restaurants is not to present a bill if the main courses have not yet been delivered to the table. Some parents will be offended if they are asked to leave, and will probably not return again to the same restaurant (as much out of embarrassment as anger), but most are understanding, especially if the situation has been handled politely.

That children pose certain problems for restaurateurs and their staffs is inescapable. The fact that more and more parents are dining out with their children, however, makes their presence at restaurants an inescapable fact of life. It may be of some small consolation to reflect, as Goethe did, that "if youth is a fault, it is one that is soon corrected".

© Daniel Rogov