Of all the trends now making themselves felt, none is more annoying than the increasing number of bores who can go on and on talking about a wine for hours, making many people feel as if they never completed first grade. There are, happily, ways to take on such bores and win. All that is required is a copy of Harry Eyres' "Bluff Your Way in Wine", a remarkable little 62 page book described by the Daily Mail as "the means to apparent instant erudition without having to know or study anything". Following are several of the hints that Eyres gives about making a good show even when you know very little about the wines you are tasting.

1. When tasting wines, do not use words except when strictly necessary. A non-commital "Hmmmmmm..." or an enthusiastic "Mmmmm...Aaah" can easily convince people that you really know what you are talking about. Facial contortions such as raised eyebrows or pursed lips are often adequate.

2. If you have no choice but to say something, the word "yes" is often quite sufficient. Your "yes" can be intoned in many ways - doubtful, quizzical, interrogative, tentative, affirmative, decisive, appreciative, enthusiastic, ecstatic. Repeating your yes three times, especially in a raised voice, can be very impressive.

3. After realizing that you cannot identify any of the aromas in a wine, observe: "Rather dumb on the nose, don't you think?". Alternately, if the wine has a very strong aromas, you can say "Its very forward on the nose". Neither of these comments commits you to an opinion of the quality of the wine, but they go a long way in making an impression.

4. After your comments on aroma, talk about the color. You are on safe ground here unless you are color blind. If you really want to impress, compare the color of the wine to a metal or semi-precious stone - different shades of gold, amber, garnet and ruby are easily accepted.

5. In conversation if someone says "1928 was wonderful vintage year for Bordeaux", you can say: "Yes, but a freak rainstorm destroyed the vintage in Montepluciano". It is highly unlikely that others present will know anything about old vintages in obscure areas.

The truth is that Eyres is a well known wine connoisseur and in this hilarious collection of frivolity, he has hidden an amazing amount of sold fact. The book is a worthwhile acquisition even for those who take wine seriously (but not so seriously that they cannot laugh at themselves once in a while). Copies may be obtained by sending 3.50 pounds sterling to: Navette Books, 3 Glenside Estate, Partridge Green, Horsham, West Sussex RH13 8RA, ENGLAND.

© Daniel Rogov