| You
know you're
a Wine Nut if ... |
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!!
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From a woman's point of view ..
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job, as women, to stomp on them and keep them in
the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have
dinner with.
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| When you carry a Vintage Chart in your wallet |
| When you finally realize that "appelation controlle" is French
for "Trust Me" |
| You have a framed photograph of Alejandro Fernandez on your
mantle |
| You apply to business school to promote Malbecs for a living. |
| You spent more decorating your wine cellar than you did your
home. |
| When people visit, the only room they see is the wine cellar. |
| When describing a wine to friends your wife puts a stopwatch
on you. |
| The UPS delivery takes a coffee break at your house each day. |
| Your wine cellar environment controls costs more than the ones
for your home. |
| When friends come over you insist they play wine trivia. |
| You are excited playing the game of matching a wine to the perfect
celebrity. |
You can barely walk through your apartment
because of all the wine cases and bottles everywhere. |
| At a restaurant, everyone gets bored waiting for you to order,
because you spend all your time trying to make the perfect choice
for the table. |
The first thing you save when escaping your burning house is
your favorite bottle of wine. |
| You've run out of friends to make wine cork bulletin boards
for... but not out of corks. |
If given a choice between your collecting wine or having a mistress,
your wife would prefer the mistress. |
| Your wife thinks it would be cheaper for you to take up sailing. |
| You spend more time thinking about wine than sex. |
| You get Christmas, birthday and anniversary gifts from you local
wine merchants. |
| Your wine cellar is the largest room in your house. |
| You spend more time selecting your wine purchases than your
stock investments. |
You build a wine cellar that is five times larger than you think
you need
and find it is ten times smaller than you actually need. |
| Your only provision for retirement is your wine collection. |
| The cost of your wine collection exceeds your retirement funds. |
| You spend more on wine per month than on your house payment. |
Your wife says she will leave you if you bring home one more
bottle of wine,
and means it. |
When house hunting, one of the first things you determine
is if there is a place to put a cellar. |
| You know that Sangiovese is not a character from one of the
Godfather movies. |
| You think that a serial port is a red wine you drink with breakfast. |
| You feel that White Zinfandel is a huge waste of a good grape. |
| You think that raisins are a waste of a grape. |
| You find yourself swirling your kool-aid. |
| You can't think of anything nice to say when served a white
zinfandel at a party. |
You don't understand why people snicker when you comment that
"the pinot exhibits nuances of toast." |
People have stopped asking you to bring the wine,
because they know you will anyway. |
| You have wine as a budget item in your home financial planning. |
| You have wine as a budget item in your business financial planning. |
| You have made a border for your office with wine labels. |
| Your spouse is fixing breakfast and asks what wine you want
with it. |
| You know what wine goes with blueberry pancakes. |
| You think that the opposite of the color white is red. |
| When people say "Red, White and ...", you immediately think "Rosé". |
| You didn't know that burgundy was a color. |
.....if you know punt is more than a football play.
.....if you know brix can't always be laid |
| If you don't do your laundry until you've examined it for Botrytis. |
| You sniff the cork notice board at work |
You get out your book of Wine Labels when old friends visit
and
describe all of the "Memorable Times" you had as
though you were looking at photos of your children growing up. |
| You can´t open a bottle of coke or beer without sniffing the
capsule |
| You know the geography of wine growing regions better than your
own neighborhood. |
| You look at an open 2 liter bottle of soda and think "mid-shoulder" |
| Your wine collection is insured for more than your spouse is |
| You give the wine at communion a numerical rating |
You go to your cellar during a tornado...
but only to make sure that your collection is safe |
You spend more time savoring your first first growth
than your first sexual experience |
| You have pets named after Chateaux, varietals, or regions |
You send home a very beautiful date because
she asked for an ice cube for the wine you served her |
| You wonder why so many people hate the French |
| You find yourself swirling the glass even if it's water. |
| You spot mistakes on wine lists at restaurants |
| You admit to being a white wine racist |
| You carry a waiter's friend .. never a screwpull |
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Mix the supper wine into a vinaigrette
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| Will hit on someone by quoting Khalil Gibran |
| In a restaurant, you always know what wine your wife likes to
drink |
| Will ask the bartender for your beer at room temperature |
| Don't get drunk but have "muses" |
| When you call Dominos, you ask what wine they are delivering |
| You get holiday and birthday cards from your local wine shop
owner. |
You become upset with friends you invited wine tasting because
they want to stop and picnic. |
| You are invited to "big bottle parties" where you
aren't allowed to bring anything smaller than a magnum. |
| you have a champagne cork on your keyring. |
you go greyhound racing after a bottle of champagne
(putting the cage on your nob for those who don't know the game) |
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you were a university student who used to bring your own wine
glass to parties so you didn't have to drink out of coffee mugs.
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you own Shiraz glasses, Cabernet glasses and Pinot glasses
etc etc and insist on drinking varieties from their correct glass.
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| you like fino sherry. |
| you look at people who drink bourbon and coke with disdain. |
| you put a couple of grains of rice in the bottom of your champagne
flute or scratch the bottom of your flutes with a knife to really
get the bubbles cranking!!! |
| if you can honestly say that bordeaux makes good wine. |
| you argue over whether the 100 point scoring system is better
than the 20 point scoring system. |
| you imagine naked women lieing on the thick cap of skins that
form in open fermenters. |
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